HOW TO BE A CASUAL RACIST

 

TERRORIST TUAREGS IN TENTS INTENT ON BEING TAKEN FOR TOURISTS

Look I don't mind a bit of casual rascism ... what .. wait .. yes I do. But hang in with me for the sake of the story. Casual racism, at least it's better than formal racism.The organised version. What a drizzle that is. And how silly do you feel, Billy-Bob Ninnie when you ring Billy-Bob Cretin and you get his wife Dolly Darlene and you have to ask if The Grand Wizard is at home. And can he come out to play. Casual racism is so damn .. you know .. casual. It's usually preceded by "I probably shouldn't say this" which is a clue & a cue: "I probably shouldn't say this" is your chance to say nothing. Just shut the fuck up and we'll all think better of you. Ah, sigh. Yes I know it's not going to happen, and I guess it's a shade better than jumping into the middle of a conversation with "Fucking towelheads, how come we're not allowed to shoot them anymore"(true story) That's the thing about your casual racism - it comes unannounced and unexpected. It throws you off balance. Take Big Trev (please); I met Big Trev at a smoking area in a suburban shopping centre. I had gone there for a quiet cigarette, but the universe was having none of that nonsense. Big Trev (think Jabba the Hutt in a flannel shirt and a Collingwood beanie, risding in the biggest mobility scooter you've ever seen) was loudly proclaiming that THEY were taking away his freedom speech. From where I was sitting it appeared Big Trev's freedom of speech was alive and well, and I made the mistaake of asking who exactly was stealing his Freedom of Speech. The fucking chinese, mate, the fucking chinese, they come ovcer here (Big Trev, clearly a master of circular breathing, spoke without pause or commas) they come over here buy up all our house and you can't find a place to rent I'm on a pension you know and they've just fucked up everything for us real aussies I mean they're buying up pubs and you can't spend the afternoon getting quietly pissed you know the aussie way mate and now they're taking away my freedom of speech here I got a joke for you Jeff it is Jeff isn't it thanks for the cigarette by the way appreciate it you're a good bloke anyway how many chinese does it take to change a lightbulb ? Fucking none mate cos if I was in charge I wouldn't let the bastards in. Who do they think they are fucking chinese ...(REPEAT AND FADE) So two things are clear (a) whoever is taking away Big Trev's freedom of speech is taking their own sweet time about it & (b) I need to stop smoking

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