EMERGENCY BUDGET 2014 EXCLUSIVE
STAFF LEARN OF CHANGES AT "ALIAS POOR YORICK" Here quick, hold this. Don't ask questions, this is an emergency. If anyone asks it's full of unmarked punchlines. And you haven't seen me. Unless it's Richard Branson, in which case you have, but it was somewhere else. Tell him I needed the money for cab-fare and I'll get it back off Gina. Whatever. I'll sort it out later. You have to realise we have an emergency on our hands. The former editor has left this publication in a hell of a state and we're going to have to take drastic action. At this rate we'll have run out of jokes by the end of the decade, in fact damn it man we're running out of comedy material even as we speak. I don't care what the World Comedy Fund say about the health of this publication, we need to make cuts. Lots of them. I love making cuts. It make me feel alive. Cut everything. Particularly wages. Paying people is killing us and it has to stop. They started poo...