FARTHEST DAY
Fathers Day. It's always the same isn't it. Hipster-beard aftershave from the younger kids, intervention orders from the older ones, and the usual letter from Justin Bieber begging me to adopt him and teach how to be cool and tough and hilarious.As if. And the predictably hostile silence from the step-kids Rhinestone and Rhinegold. Yes they are twins, not they're not identical but they are very close, and yes they are almost certainly on close personal terms with Satan. That'll teach me to marry a performance artist-lifestyle counselor I met in rehab. She turned our divorce settlement into a show that ran for two weeks at the Fringe Festival. I got a touching card from my youngest adopted African child Ptolemy who assures me that he thinks so highly of me that he calls me Oloishiru Ingishu, a Masai name which means "He whom the cows love so much they call for him in times of distress". Told him it was a nice thought but I'd used that same line thr...