* Results may vary : Day 54



Welcome back again to the 2016 Election Campaign 

 Or should that be welcome and goodnight. Shock waves here in Canberra tonight after PM Malcolm Turnbull visited the Governor General to officially request a double dissolution of Parliament leading to an election on July 2, only to be soundly rebuffed. "Fuck off" he was told by Governor General Peter Cosgrove. "Fuck off. That's a really fucking stupid idea and I won't fucking go along with it. It's probably un-fucking-Australian  and I'll be fucked if I'll fucking well be part of it. Now fuck off and when you've done that fuck off some more you overprivileged buffoon. And take your fucking four hundred dollar haircut and your mink underpants with you". Which is hardly the way you'd expect a representative of the Queen to talk, unless of course you're representing a Queen who is 90 years old and it's Mothers Day and none of her bloody children have bothered to ring her. I mean fuck.

But anyway. So that's it. No election. No election campaign. No daily deadlines for ALIAS POOR YORICK. See you in the back bar of the Elephant & False Address.

Editor's Note 

Oh dear. Ah sigh. We apologise. This is what you get for sending a $4 dollar-an-hour intern out on an important assignment like this. And much as I love the idea of Peter Cosgrove telling Malcolm Turnbull to fuck off and then fuck off some more, the fact is none of this ever happened. There will be an election on July 2, the Governor General did not swear 27 times at the Prime Minister, and Prince Charles remembered just after lunch to ring his mother. We have found the reporter in question a job with Channel Ten news.

And in other actual Election news, opposition leader Bill Shorten has established a thematic arc for his campaign by visiting the site of one of the worst industrial disasters in recent history. It seemed like  good idea at the time, bleated one of his many ashen-faced advisers

Here is a picture of two people in Christopher Pyne's electorate watching Channel Seven accept the Logie for best home renovation show on Channel Seven at 7.30 on a Tuesday night.

                                                                             

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