*Results may vary : Day 33. Weltschmerz. Sturm und Drang.Bildungsroman. Nurburgring

LIBERAL FUNDRAISING EVENT AT MALCOLM'S HOUSE

What a week it's been on the campaign trail. There's been heat. There's been passion. There's been bitter and violent argument over exactly what percentile fraction house prices will grow more slowly under Labor's proposed negative gearing and capital gains tax changes. Many have stayed awake during this. Not moi unfortunately.  It's all a bit hazy. There's been a lot of talk about sex. Some of it involving animals. And people keep forgetting about houses they own.

* Malcolm Turnbull was kissed by a dog called Brando & then Bill Shorten went out jogging and made friends with a Great Dane because apparently whoever gets slobbered on by the biggest dog gets to be Prime Minister. It's a new rule.

* National Party MP George Christensen said he would rather shove two Tasmanian devils on heat down his pants than do a deal with the Greens. Which leads us to wonder how he knows this for sure. PM Malcolm Turnbull defended Tasmanian Devils saying they were clearly in love and frequently misunderstood and perhaps they just needed a hug.

* Peta Credlin surprised her new employers at Sky News with her election commentator audition tape where she declared that Tony Abbott had been a brilliant Prime Minister and a fantastic lover. He's all I've ever wanted in a man, gushed Peta, with his fit hard body and lack of discernible human emotions. It's like having sex with a piece of '70's Brutalist architecture. I love it.

* Opposition Leader Bill Shorten declared that US Presidential candidate Donald Trump is batshit crazy. PM Turnbull was appalled. He agreed that Trump is in fact batshit crazy but questioned the wisdom of saying so out loud. Especially within earshot of the batshit crazy person in question. Christopher Pyne pointed out that he has on several occasions already declared that Trump is batshit crazy and the cat may be out of the bag here. Greens leader Richard Di Natale stamped his foot in a petulant fashion & pointed out the Greens had been calling Trump batshit crazy well before anyone else and he was sick of not being allowed equal access alongside Labour and the Coalition to call Donald Trump batshit crazy. Malcolm Turnbull did not offer him a hug.

* PM Turnbull visited the bellwether seat of Eden-Monaro to promise that if elected he would officially change the name of the seat to Holden-Monaro because it would make the Managing Editor of Alias Poor Yorick so very happy.

* There was a Leaders Debate on the television last night. We're not really sure who won, but I thought Malcolm had the nicer tie. Just saying.
                                                                   

     

                                                   A GUIDE TO THE MINOR PARTIES: Part One

                                                           

The Country Liberals Jazz Ballet Party is committed to
 (a) grazing in the high country
 (b) shooting small defenseless animals &
 (c) instituting heavy tariffs to prevent the importing of cheap jazz ballet and interpretative dance from China and South East Asia. They are contesting Senate and Lower House Seats, mostly in Queensland and Northern New South Wales and will direct their preferences in both houses to anyone who promises to buy them a pony.