Secret Diary of Gina Rinehart aged 58+3/4

Dear Diary,

Exhausted. Just plum tuckered out. People out there don't realise how tiring it is counting money. Especially when you've got as much as I do. And sometimes by the end of the day I've got quite a lot more than when I started, and then I have to count it all over again ! It's really hard ! And then yesterday I was up to 14 billion, 476 million and I got interrupted by a serf and I lost count. Pshaw ! Well of course I had him beheaded. You have to really. Otherwise they don't respect you.

And I'm still gasping with shock over finding out about the minimum wage. Gosh gee whizz it's just awful. $606 is far far too much. And then imagine my further shock when I found out you have to pay them this every week !!!!! I thought it was just a one-off payment. We're doomed, I'm telling you this for nothing dear diary. If this sort of wanton behaviour carries on we'll end up with a world ruled by communists, cross-dressers, and giant heroin-snorting weevils wasting everyone's time and money doing post-graduate degrees in interpretative dance. The world needs me to save it. Golly, I mean people talk about slavery like it's a bad thing !! We need to take a good hard look at ourselves before it's too late.

I really would like to behead one of the children, but I'm afraid people would look at it the wrong way. A woman in my position is so easily misunderstood.

If it weren't for my spiritual advisor and cardio-trainer, Miss Evita Pernod, I don't know where I'd be.

 MISS EVITA PERNOD

I always remember what she said to me when I felt a bit lost. Gina, she said ...

Laugh like you've got 19.4 billion dollars

Dance like you've got 19.4 billion dollars

Dream like you've got 19.4 billion dollars

Love like you got 19.4 billion dollars

Words to live by. I think I'll write some poetry now. I love the spiritual pathways opened up by poetry. I feel so alive. It's almost as good as beheading bad people. Okay. Poetry ...

Roses are red, violets are blue,

The working classes are all greedy scum-sucking degenerates,

And so are the media.

I hate them all, except for that nice Andrew Bolt.

I love him. He has such wonderful cruel eyes, and a cruel mouth,

And cruel ears. He's perfect.

I think I will buy him as a pet.

And if that doesn't work out I can chop him up and make a pie out of him and have him for my lunch.

Laugh like you've got 19.4 billion dollars ......