A KLINGON IS NOT JUST FOR XMAS
But first an apology. We deeply regret the tone of the previous post "Christmas Presence". We are not in the business of badgering our readers. The piece was written by Mr Paul Yorick who tells me he had been under a great deal of pressure and had finally found a barista who would sell him a triple-shot latte along with a triple-chocolate brownie. He tells me he deeply regrets the outburst & has agreed to intensive counselling and several guided-meditation sessions. He is currently resting under mild sedation and has been temporarily demoted to Duty Editor. I think there's a lesson in this for all of us.
Mr Yorick also omitted to post this sms we received from German reader Frdrch ("Vowels are for the weak") Ntzsch : "That which does not destroy me makes me think about taking out full hospital cover with Medicare Private"
But on to more pressing matters. I have received a visit from the Klingon cultural attache, General Harsh Guttural Sound, demanding that I explain my somewhat dismissive comments about Klingon actors. He's still here, waving a ceremonial weapon and brandishing a six-pack of Cromulent ale. Well strictly speaking it's a three-pack now and I'm here to tell you it's truly evil stuff. A friend of mine once drank half a can & it did so much damage he can now find work only as a talk-back host on MTR. A tragedy. Anyway, yes General I am taking this seriously .... LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT AT THIS STAGE THE CULTURAL ATTACHE FINISHED A ROUSING CHORUS OF 'REINDEERS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE' AND SLID TO THE GROUND UNCONSCIOUS, LEAVING ME TO SPEAK MORE FREELY. Because Klingons take theatre criticism very seriously.
A friend of mine once wrote a review of a famous klingon actor's performance saying "Qaar played Othello. Othello lost". I miss him.
A popular t-shirt among Klingon stage-managers reads "KLINGON: WHERE THEATRE CRITICS ARE KILLED & EATEN
But listen in all fairness I have to say I've seen some great performances from Klingons. A young warbird commander friend of mine took an amateur production of "The Importance of Being Earnest" to stunning heights with his show-stealing Lady Bracknell. He brought a physicality to the role which gave it a visceral intensity I've yet to see matched anywhere. Brilliant.
It's tragedy that's the tragedy. They've got this sort of Uber method-acting approach that's quietly self-defeating. They think retractable daggers and foiled swords and the like are a bit big blouse, so when you die on stage, you die on stage. You might be a brilliant Macbeth. Just the once. Hell, a two week run of Hamlet can obliterate an entire acting community. You can see the problem.
So people, the kindest and safest advice you can give to your Klingon actor friends is go do vaudeville. Only the jokes die. I say I say my wife's just been on holiday. Vulcan ? No, she went of her own accord.
Klingons. They kill me.
I have to go now and pray to the comedy gods for forgiveness for that last paragraph. So people ..
You know you shouldn't, you know you couldn't in front of anyone, and you know you wouldn't if you thought anyone might find out, but .....
..... you know you really want to, so come on let's Wang Chung tonight. Bring me my baggy trousers & my skinny tie. Bring me my eye-liner and my luxury-length cigarettes. Just '80's me, baby. Dance Hall Dance Hall Dance Hall Days (REPEAT & FADE)
Mr Yorick also omitted to post this sms we received from German reader Frdrch ("Vowels are for the weak") Ntzsch : "That which does not destroy me makes me think about taking out full hospital cover with Medicare Private"
But on to more pressing matters. I have received a visit from the Klingon cultural attache, General Harsh Guttural Sound, demanding that I explain my somewhat dismissive comments about Klingon actors. He's still here, waving a ceremonial weapon and brandishing a six-pack of Cromulent ale. Well strictly speaking it's a three-pack now and I'm here to tell you it's truly evil stuff. A friend of mine once drank half a can & it did so much damage he can now find work only as a talk-back host on MTR. A tragedy. Anyway, yes General I am taking this seriously .... LET THE RECORD SHOW THAT AT THIS STAGE THE CULTURAL ATTACHE FINISHED A ROUSING CHORUS OF 'REINDEERS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE' AND SLID TO THE GROUND UNCONSCIOUS, LEAVING ME TO SPEAK MORE FREELY. Because Klingons take theatre criticism very seriously.
A friend of mine once wrote a review of a famous klingon actor's performance saying "Qaar played Othello. Othello lost". I miss him.
A popular t-shirt among Klingon stage-managers reads "KLINGON: WHERE THEATRE CRITICS ARE KILLED & EATEN
But listen in all fairness I have to say I've seen some great performances from Klingons. A young warbird commander friend of mine took an amateur production of "The Importance of Being Earnest" to stunning heights with his show-stealing Lady Bracknell. He brought a physicality to the role which gave it a visceral intensity I've yet to see matched anywhere. Brilliant.
It's tragedy that's the tragedy. They've got this sort of Uber method-acting approach that's quietly self-defeating. They think retractable daggers and foiled swords and the like are a bit big blouse, so when you die on stage, you die on stage. You might be a brilliant Macbeth. Just the once. Hell, a two week run of Hamlet can obliterate an entire acting community. You can see the problem.
So people, the kindest and safest advice you can give to your Klingon actor friends is go do vaudeville. Only the jokes die. I say I say my wife's just been on holiday. Vulcan ? No, she went of her own accord.
Klingons. They kill me.
I have to go now and pray to the comedy gods for forgiveness for that last paragraph. So people ..
You know you shouldn't, you know you couldn't in front of anyone, and you know you wouldn't if you thought anyone might find out, but .....
..... you know you really want to, so come on let's Wang Chung tonight. Bring me my baggy trousers & my skinny tie. Bring me my eye-liner and my luxury-length cigarettes. Just '80's me, baby. Dance Hall Dance Hall Dance Hall Days (REPEAT & FADE)
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