COMMON SENSE STARTS HERE ?

                    
                     Senator Cory Bernadi speaking: here is my cunning plan. I'm going to change my name to Tarquin Dogbadger. This way no-one will know it's me, and I will be able to continue my mission to spread the real proper truth no matter how much people laugh at me and pour scorn upon me. I will not be silenced.

SENATOR TARQUIN DOGBADGER WITH SPIRITUAL ADVISERS


Now that I have been promoted to the back benches by my beloved leader and Speedo soul mate "Babycakes", I am free to tell you truths way beyond anything permitted by party lines.My duty here is clear.

These revelations have been authorised and authenticated by The Wollongong Church of the Apocalypse, the Archangel Colin, and my steroid coach, Otto.

 Some of the things I will tell will be hard to believe, and some will be hard to understand,  That's how you know they're true. The Archangel Colin explained that to me in a dream. Please pay attention.

1. Gay marriage causes Dutch Elm disease

2. Paul Keating is a white witch

3. Barack Obama and Michael Jackson are the same person. Think about it: have you ever seen them in the same room together ? This means that the most powerful nation in the western world is being governed by a dead pop star with a drug problem.

4. Drug addiction is caused by directing your preferences to the Greens in the Lower House. Drug addiction is very expensive and makes you quite grumpy.

5. Compulsory unionism causes widespread poverty, premature baldness, and unexplained changes in barometric pressure.

6. Bob Hawke  is a six-hundred year old vampire whose real name is Terry.

7.  Homosexuality is caused by ill-fitting shoes and flouride. If treatment is not sought, it will eventually lead to the world being ruled by communists, cross-dressers, and giant heroin-snorting weevils. Who will assuredly direct their preferences to the Greens in the Lower House.

8. Gina Rinehart is a goddess.

9. You know how "crazy" people have been talking for years about how we are really controlled here on earth by giant alien lizards, and that many world leaders are in fact giant alien lizards in disguise. That's all true.

10. Yes, it rains down in Africa

11. No, I do not know the way to San Jose

12. This towel guide determines the correct length of loop necessary for the efficient and safe operation of this cabinet. It must not be removed.

13. Bob Browne is Lucifer

14. The Aztecs were right. We're all doomed. Especially if you've been directing your preferences to the Greens in the lower house.

15. Make that clove-hitch good and tight Bernice, I want to play Akela and the boy scout

16. But still, in matters animal & vegetable & mineral, I am the very model of a modern major-general

17. Gumboot.


I have to take my medication now. Otto says so.


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