SPINAL TAPDANCE

I knew we were in trouble when our lead singer Rome wanted to change the band's name to "An unnecessary assassination in Prague on an Autumn afternoon"

Then he wanted to call the album "The Album". It was bad enough that our bass player now wanted to be known only as @. His email address was a bastard, and if he ever finds a provider called @, I think every single email in the universe will be diverted to him. A weird Internet black hole.

Anyway we'd roughed out the album on acoustic guitars and reindeer skulls in mid-winter in Upsala  over a month. Just to make sure we were all on the edge of suicidal depression. We had planned to go mix it on solar-powered laptops on a fresh-food commune in Tahiti, except the hippy princess poofs running the place couldn't guarantee a decent supply of ketamine, so that fucked that.

Rome was also insisted he could only do his vocals while being urinated on by an alpaca (a female of course, it's not like he's some kind of pervert). So Bolivia was looking good as alternative mixing location. I mean what could possible go wrong with a plan like that......

.... After we'd spent all our advance on cocaine and zoot suits, we regrouped in Venice where our Manager had rented a pallazzo. And he'd borrowed a bass guitar that Keith Moon once vomited on. What a sound. He'd also arranged for the Baghwan Ganeesh-Ganeesh Templeburger to lead us through some guided meditations & generally assist us with the spiritual cleansing side of the album. Whatever.

 After unremixing the rough mix we'd done at Machu Pichu  we took the yacht to Nile Rodgers studio in the Bahamas because he's got these fabulous comfy couches. We just needed to sit and think for a minute.

We got Panda Bear to do the initial remix. Actual a pre-mix remix. Then we got Flying Lotus to remix the original remix. Then I gave the tracks to a guy called Brian who'd been a roadie for seminal '90's band Calamitous Mung bean. And he gave them back.

We got Li'l Wayne to say Motherf***er .about a hundred times & we laid that over the last three tracks.

We may not on sober reflection have needed to do the acid-overdose remix, but it's certainly unique.

It's a hell of a Christmas album. Kmart killer at only $12.99.

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