A Very Ferret Christmas
First, an apology for having taken so long between posts. We were waiting for parts from Sydney.
As you no doubt know, it's traditional for ferret families to begin celebrating the festive season by issuing newsletters telling friends and family something about their year. These are called newsletters.
It's been a year all right by golly oh yes for the Nigel Ferret family. I continue to work in the syntax department at Ampersand, and apart from those wildcat outbreaks of split infinitives back in August and September it's been a happy and productive year. I'm looking at a shift to anagrams next year. Insert own joke here.
My lovely wife Nigel is currently working as an associate producer on "Australia's Got Ferrets" but we're both concerned about her future there after the network put it up against "MasterFerret" which is going gangbusters since introducing elimination rounds where contestants are actually shot. Still, she can always go back to the theatre. A producer friend wants her to direct a revival of "A Streetcar Named Ferret"
The twins, Nigel and Nigel are thirteen this year and both in rehab. We're so proud, but it's proving difficult to find a twelve-step programme that deals with addiction to Justin Bieber videos.
As you may remember from last year's newsletter, we were hoping to get away for a fortnight tour of Heritage Rabbit Holes of Tasmania, but there was no obvious punchline in sight so the writer just abandoned the whole thing. Lazy bastard.
Our eldest boy Nigel has completed his opera "Das Ferret ist Kunst" and has found a company ready to produce it ! We're excited !! It tells the story of a young warrior, Siegfried, who is promised in marriage to his childhood sweetheart, Siegfreid (as you know, in opera all ferrets are called Siegfreid), but meet and falls in love with a beautiful princess, Siegfreid, and suffers torments of indecision. At the same time the Gods of Asgard for reasons not altogether clear cause war to break out. In the ensuing decade of confusion Siegfreid accidentally kills his father and marries his mother in order to claim the throne of Scotland. And Denmark. In a thrilling sequence known as the Ride of the Valeries, he is chased by avenging women who have all co-starred on television with Mary Tyler-Moore, and finally, torn between a number of ferret lovers, he dies of confusion after singing a heartbreakingly beautiful aria in which he pleads to be never ever again forced to watch an episode of "The Renovators". Teddy Tahu Rhodes is keen to sing the part. Go Nigel !!
And on a sombre note, I should remind you that confusion is the leading cause of premature death in young male ferrets. You may find some help in Jeff Browett's excellent book "Ten Things Ferrets Can Be Certain About". And of course you know you can be sure that this will contain only nine things ferrets can be certain about. But they're gold.
Well that's about it from our family. It's time to party. We have the seasonal lizards glued to rocks in the front yard, and the traditional neon kangaroo droppings are ready to shine. The festive cheese is putrefying in the backyard and all is well.
Wishing you a Merry Cheesetime & a Happy and Prosperous Nude Bear
xx Nigel F.
As you no doubt know, it's traditional for ferret families to begin celebrating the festive season by issuing newsletters telling friends and family something about their year. These are called newsletters.
It's been a year all right by golly oh yes for the Nigel Ferret family. I continue to work in the syntax department at Ampersand, and apart from those wildcat outbreaks of split infinitives back in August and September it's been a happy and productive year. I'm looking at a shift to anagrams next year. Insert own joke here.
My lovely wife Nigel is currently working as an associate producer on "Australia's Got Ferrets" but we're both concerned about her future there after the network put it up against "MasterFerret" which is going gangbusters since introducing elimination rounds where contestants are actually shot. Still, she can always go back to the theatre. A producer friend wants her to direct a revival of "A Streetcar Named Ferret"
The twins, Nigel and Nigel are thirteen this year and both in rehab. We're so proud, but it's proving difficult to find a twelve-step programme that deals with addiction to Justin Bieber videos.
As you may remember from last year's newsletter, we were hoping to get away for a fortnight tour of Heritage Rabbit Holes of Tasmania, but there was no obvious punchline in sight so the writer just abandoned the whole thing. Lazy bastard.
Our eldest boy Nigel has completed his opera "Das Ferret ist Kunst" and has found a company ready to produce it ! We're excited !! It tells the story of a young warrior, Siegfried, who is promised in marriage to his childhood sweetheart, Siegfreid (as you know, in opera all ferrets are called Siegfreid), but meet and falls in love with a beautiful princess, Siegfreid, and suffers torments of indecision. At the same time the Gods of Asgard for reasons not altogether clear cause war to break out. In the ensuing decade of confusion Siegfreid accidentally kills his father and marries his mother in order to claim the throne of Scotland. And Denmark. In a thrilling sequence known as the Ride of the Valeries, he is chased by avenging women who have all co-starred on television with Mary Tyler-Moore, and finally, torn between a number of ferret lovers, he dies of confusion after singing a heartbreakingly beautiful aria in which he pleads to be never ever again forced to watch an episode of "The Renovators". Teddy Tahu Rhodes is keen to sing the part. Go Nigel !!
And on a sombre note, I should remind you that confusion is the leading cause of premature death in young male ferrets. You may find some help in Jeff Browett's excellent book "Ten Things Ferrets Can Be Certain About". And of course you know you can be sure that this will contain only nine things ferrets can be certain about. But they're gold.
Well that's about it from our family. It's time to party. We have the seasonal lizards glued to rocks in the front yard, and the traditional neon kangaroo droppings are ready to shine. The festive cheese is putrefying in the backyard and all is well.
Wishing you a Merry Cheesetime & a Happy and Prosperous Nude Bear
xx Nigel F.
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