EDITORIAL

I blame Wagner. You can blame him too, if you'd like. If it'd help. It's not like he can fight back or anything, I mean he turned two hundred last week. The trouble with Wagner is that he's so bloody Wagnerian. And another thing. I checked out his comic opera The Mastersingers of Nuremberg. Not one single joke ! WTF Richard Wagner. Who would have thought that my favourite sentence of the week could be .... "And I'm sorry that's all the time we have for Wagner this morning"

But on to serious matters. I have decided in the interests of mankind as a whole to spend at least one hour a day having really deep thoughts. I know you'd do it if you had the time, but hey, I'm a writer, it's not like I have a proper job or anything. So, on your behalf I will be thinking very very deeply everyday about matters of universal importance. And I'll be passing the results on to you, the lucky consumer.

Now. Can of worms. Seriously people, is this the problem we all seem to think it is ? How bad can it be to open up a can of worms ?  Are we looking at a threat to civilisation as we know it ?  I'd be a little more concerned about the sick and sad bastard who first went "What the hell am I going to do with all these worms, I know I'll stick them all here in this tin. And seal it. Then we'll all be safe ". Excuse me ? What ? So. In the interests of truth and safety and universal peace & understanding I have conducted an experiment. Having obtained a government-certified Can of Worms ... oh all right I just grabbed a bunch of worms and sealed them in a tin. You work with what you have. Anyway.

THE RESULTS

I opened the can of worms. Several hours later one worm had almost reached the edge of the table, called out for water, then collapsed and had to be stretchered off. Two worms had found a couch and settled down to watch Celebrity Rehab, and a fourth worm discovered that James Blundell was standing as a candidate for Bob Katter's Big Hats party in the upcoming election whereupon he shot back into the can and demanded political asylum. The rest of the worms came over a bit dead.

So. Your biggest danger here would appear to be funeral expenses for around twenty-seven worms. Not the end of the world as we know it. I hope this settles the matter.