TOUR OF DUTY FREE

TIGER BALM AIRLINES FLT 101



Don't talk to me about Vietnam. Don't tell me you understand. You can't, man.Not unless you've been there. It was hell. I did two tours. I still can't sleep.

Da Nang .. just can't talk about it man. Hanoi ? The airport transfers were murder, the bloody air-conditioning in the hotel didn't work properly and some bastard stole my iPad, my iPod, and my iPhone.Whatever happened to the good old days when they just stole your passport ? And what the hell was Charlie Sheen doing emerging from the hotel pool with his head shaved muttering "the horror, the horror" ? I dunno what's wrong with him but he sounded as authentic as a newt.

Here's a survival tip : never fly Tiger Balm airlines. You have to pay extra for everything : Food, drinks, seats, doors, trained pilots.

Went to the tunnels, you know man ? And it's been a few years since those Vietnamese language lessons at Rudolph Steiner but I'm pretty sure I heard one of the guides say "Let's see if we can get one of these fat bastard white people stuck in here". Funny, pal.

And the pho was murder. For a start it was way too hot. I mean WTF. I know a bit about real Vietnamese cuisine I mean Essence and I eat at  Vietnamine down at Crown Casino at least once a month & their pho has stuff in it you can recognise. I swear man, there was shit in this stuff we got served in Saigon looked like ferret's testicles. I mean man WTF. Who do they think they're trying to fool here. I'm not just some honky straight outa the potato paddock. I know shit.

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