JULIA & JULIA (& me) : The New World Order

Cabinet reshuffle ? Ignore it, it's just a front. Fact is, folks, that Julia's pretty much had it with her Labour Party colleagues and has been looking further afield for someone to rule with. I mean with whom to rule. Guess who she found ? Me !

She stumbled across ALIAS POOR YORICK while cruising the Net looking for ferret jokes to amuse Greg Combet with. I mean, with which to amuse Greg Combet. Read the whole thing, and immediately decided she needed to rule, I mean govern, with me at her side. So it's a done deal. We'll be running the whole country, apart from that boring money stuff. And who can bothered with that. We'll be appointing my personal accountant, Vinnie "The Stoat" Ravioli, as finance minister and Chancellor of the Exchequer. That man can make a tax return sing. He's an artist. Julia and I will look after everything else. We'll rule as a triumvirate. Except with only two of us. Julia says not to worry it'll be all right, she'll just be twice as bossy. I love that woman. Anyway. How will this change Australia ? Here's some of our new policies:

1. More public holidays. Especially for comedy writers. They need a break ...

So how was your Easter ? We had a quiet one, well the weather wasn't up to much, so we just went for a few walks, caught up with friends, and spent the rest of the time watching the final series of The Sopranos. I loved that scene where Christopher explains that he has to keep his AA sponsor around because he not only offers great spiritual advice, he's also a great forger. Gotta love The Sopranos. So yeah we're both well, the arthritis is playing up a bit, but you have to expect that at this time of year. It's always the change of seasons, isn't it ? Maybe it's just me. What are you going to do ? I just keep taking the fish oil tablets and hoping for the best. Well look I can't just stand around talking all day, better get back to work ...

Okay. Where were we ? Right. Policies. Yep. Okay. Did I mention public holidays ? I did. Yes, of course I did. As for the rest, well of course we remain vehemently opposed to bullfighting, audience participation at comedy festival shows, and repeats of "The Biggest Loser". In fact we are pretty much opposed to anything in any way associated with "The Biggest Loser" and we'll be moving immediately to pass legislation allowing us to execute the creators and producers of the show. It may seem a bit extreme, but you'll thank us in years to come. Someone has to take a stand. Look it's ten to five, I need to get out of here. One last thing. Bruce Willis. After his most recent film "Tomorrow Will Also be Quite a Good Day to Die Even Harder or You Could Just Wait Ten Years and I'll Keel Over of My Own Accord", we'll be acting directly to ban Bruce from making any further action films. Bruce you're nearly sixty. Just stop it. Okay, gotta be gone. I need to go home and pack - heading off to Pyongyang in the morning. North Korea needs a hug.