MY FRINGE FESTIVAL SHOW

 So my show is called 'THIS TOWEL GUIDE DETERMINES THE LENGTH OF LOOP NECESSARY FOR THE EFFICIENTS AND SAFE OPERATION OF THIS CABINET: IT MUST NOT BE REMOVED'.

I did want to call it 'FRANZ KAFKA AND THE FIRE-BREATHING ROBOT CHICKENS' but Tremont and Tarquin had already snaffled that for their show about psychiatric breakdowns among hipsters who are fatally conflicted about what sort of beards they should wear. Don't laugh, a friend of mine grew his beard for a whole year, then shaved it off two weeks before bush ranger beards came in. He threw himself in front of a train. I hate to think what would have happened if it had been moving. But back to my show.

So. Look obviously it's a comedy. That's what I do. It's heart and spine of my theatre practice. And maybe the kidneys and pancreas as well. And of course the lungs. I mean I just breathe comedy. I can't help it. But I just so wanted to do more exciting and substantive than just entertain.

I could have filled the show with jokes & attractive half-naked people & great music, but I thought, no, that's what I did with my last show 'CHARLIE' , a musical comedy/stand-up/ dramatic monologue montage about Charles Manson. I don't want to repeat myself - I  respect my audience too much for that. So this time I'll be asking for a greater contribution from them.  There will be pain.  I want them to work. I want them to think. I want them to grow and change and be liberated from tired old theatrical memes, and leave the theatre laughing and sobbing and saying that in some small way I have changed their entire lives & that they will be eternally grateful to me. Or we could all just screaming drunk and see what happens.

I don't want to give too much away about the show but it was inspired on my last overseas trip. I was just drained after doing a five-year clowning degree at Swinburne and I took the trans-hipster express from Portugal to Estonia  and spent a bit of time in a Ukrainian prison. I hadn't intended to, but I had committed to a 28 day mime-fast which means that you just can't talk at all and you have to explain yourself entirely in mime which is okay most of the time but you can't be entirely sure what things mean in different countries and so I was asking this young lady the way to the nearest toilet and ... so she got a bit upset and called the police and then of course because I was committed to my mime-fast ( I am an artist & these things matter) I had to try to explain the whole thing to them without using words. It didn't go well.

But when I got out of prison nine months later I realised I was inspired. Or perhaps still a bit hazy from the opium I smoked inside. But anyway, it all became clear. Can't say too much more. Don't want to spoil the experience for you. Let me just say that I will be playing Lady Gaga, and various members of the audience will be invited to play Julian Assange, Tony Abbott, and Rex the Wonder dog. Someone will play the theremin. There will be guns and live ammunition on stage. And I may take acid.

NB: This show is too experimental for the Fringe Festival, way too out-there for the Melbourne festival proper, and will feature in the post-festival Ridiculously-long-hipster-fringe Festival. At a secret venue. At a time to be advised. Hang around the corner of Smith st and Gertrude at about five am.