ALIAS POOR YORICK

covid19 diarist 11.30 :    Isolation. Self-isolation. Lockdown. What sort of cruel jokes are these. There is nothing new here. We are alone. Always alone. Born alone, live alone, die alone. Forgot to order breakfast. 11.47:        Alone so alone here in the Motel Mortality. The mediocrity of it all, the banality. Heidegger said it best, didn't he, when he said "I wish I'd remembered  to order breakfast " Schopenhauer would have remembered. 12.19 :  Check diary, have 4-hour block set aside from 1-5 : Attempt suicide. But why four hours. Usually only takes me half that time. Seems like wallowing in it. Should re-read Heidegger on this. 1.15pm:    Almost stayed in bed. Get up ? What for. The futility of it all. 1.40:     Caramelised-eel-and-paw- paw-icecream with weetbix for breakfast. It's all I deserve really. I might have coffee and then kill myself. 1.55:      Call from Valkerie my personal s...

A national cabinet meeting  friday may 8 to announce a press conference on monday may 11 which will report on the decisions of the national cabinet meeting on may 8 and some other stuff which may or may not have happened in the intervening interval and of course being dependant on those dickheads from the surfclub not stuffing it up for everybody else yet again ENTER THE PRIME MINISTER MR SCOTT MORRISON RESPLENDENT IN THE GOLD AND PURPLE DIGNITY OF HIGH ELECTED OFFICE OFFSET BY THE CHARMING AND CHEEKY GRIN OF AN ORDINARY TRUE BLUE AUSSIE WHO HAD ONE JOB TO DO AND HASN'T FUCKED IT UP. Let me make one thing perfectly clear ... we\re not there yet. But we can see from here where there may almost certainly be lurking. Now you've all put in a beaut effort, really good effort. Don't stop. It's vital if we want to keep going, that we don't stop. So we've decided a few restrictions can be lifted, particulary on tuesday and wednesday afternoons, and friday mor...

the covid19 diaries 7.49am: Woke up far too early. Keep having these terrible dreams where I have chronic insomnia, and then I wake up and can't back to sleep again for fear of being awake all night. It's a nightmare. 8.00am: Zoom meeting with spiritual advisor. Spiritual advisor refused to unmute me, told me that having four books of Rumi's poetry on the bookshelf next to a copy of Jonathon Livingstone Seagull  was bullshit and I should meditate more. Or less. Or was it masturbate Not quite clear as I was fiddling with Zoom back-drop of Kylie Minogue's bum.  Bill arrived for .0176 bitcoin. No cheques. 8.20am: Forgot how to make coffee. Made cup of instant while I tried to remember how to make  real coffee. 8.25am: Turned on Good Morning Sunrise Australia Mate with Biff, Blondie, Jonestown Massacre, and Gecko the weather reptile. 8.27pm: Overcome with inchoate rage and  suicidal impulses. Turned off Good Morning Sunrise Australia Mate after buying a se...

Voting is really important. Check carefully to make sure this is a real how-to-vote card. How can I make sure ? Firstly, there should be an enormous amount of confusing and apparently conflicting information. If the item you are holding does not fit this description, it may be a membership application for Costco, or a library card. If it has a picture of a sepia-toned girl with no knickers then it is a naughty French postcard, and if it has a tasteful painting of flowers then it is a birthday card from my mother and I'd like to know what the hell you're doing with it when mine was a day late. You bastard. Right. Back to the three-ring circus. It is useful to remember that democracy is a deeply-flawed concept invented by a bunch of unemployed philosophers wandering around in frocks. I don't want to upset you, I'm just saying. Now. Voting is not as easy as people think. You have to pay attention. This election campaign has been going on since roughly the time of the...

THE GOVT WHIP ? SURE, NOW YOU KNOW THAT'S $50 EXTRA.       Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate .... it's me Tony. Tone Tony. Tony the Toned  The Jockstrap Jesuit. Used to be the Prime minister remember ? You used to love me but it's all over now ? Say it ain't so bro. I hear I don't have your vote, surely that can't be right. Tell me it's wrong ..... You what ?  What am I wearing ? ..... no, yeah, nah, I won't give you a blow-job, not even if you throw in your wife's vote as well. How about a pony. Yeah mate. A pony. I'll give you a pony … no, an actual pony, I can never figure out all that patois about money and stuff anyway. I once lent a mate five thousand for a cup of coffee. Ponies monkeys gorillas it's all Greek to me I'm just a simple man of the people. Give me some bacon and eggs and a bottle of Chateau Lafitte for breakfast and I'm a bloody happy simple man of the people …..  you calling me a liar, mate? Mate, you calling bullshi...

VOTE FOR ME. WHEN TWO FACES ISN'T ENOUGH Vote early. Vote often. And if you want someone who can  swallow table tennis balls and turn them into policy which makes as much sense as this process would suggest, you could always vote for these three. We know she'll be trying to. Pauline Queen of the Dessert. Good luck and don't forget your democracy sausage.