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HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALIAS POOR YORICK

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 Thank you for joining us to celebrate 14 years of Alias Poor Yorick. You are all very kind. Pictured above is our CEO and Editor Jeff Browett. We think he is, as usual, trying to prove he really can talk underwater. Later he will attempt to blow out birthday candles underwater so that might be worth tuning in for (1130 AEST).  In the meantime the junior members of staff are celebrating our BIG FOURTEEN by getting drunk like 14 yr olds. This involves drinking 6 longnecks of DB Lager in half an hour before going into the party, and almost always ends with an hour of throwing up in a flowerbed before passing out. Seasoned party goers amongst our staff ... what am I saying, seasoned party goers are our staff. Anyway they appear to be pacing themselves, drinking coffee and reminiscing in French ..ah oui. Ou sont les cocaine binges d'antan ? before joing the senior editorial staff to gaze on the paper mountains of glowing reviews, encouraging comments, and official accolades we've ...
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STORM IN TEABREAK

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  EDITORIAL APOLOGY & MEA CULPA MAXIMUS     Finally, a mere seven  weeks after the event, our  FNQ Editor-at-Large, Chip Le Mans Beauregard Jones- Smythe-LaCroix (ex Woodville Racing Quarterly)  has filed this on the spot report from the the scene. He assures us that this extraordinary delay was unavoidable because the piece required extensive polishing and further fact checking. We here at Alias Poor Yorick are not in the habit of harassing professional freelancers or questioning their bar bills, however it must be noted that the bulk of this polishing was done at the Byron Bay Hilton and involved interviewing forty-three known drug dealers I'm sorry I mean film production advisors, two palm readers, and a Reiki practitioner who nearly worked for the Bureau of Meteorology but turned down the job when they realised that BOM was a bit hung up on the science stuff and didn't listen to the secret true voice of the universe. I knew Chip in the old days...
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FULLY TIGHTEN ALL THE BOLT

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Thank you, welcome, and congratulations for choosing Nirvana for your complete home renovations. Relax. Nothing can possibly go wrong. And if it does, rest assured we will spare no effort to send people round to apologise profusely and explain that this really shouldn't have happened. And that it's never happened before & is extremely unlikely to happen again in the future. And to assure you, our valued customer, that we will find someone to blame by close of business. Because we care. HOW DOES IT ALL WORK ?  ... Well, it's frighteningly simple: The contract allows for one easy payment of all monies due. This is to be in the form of bank cheque, tax-franked Euros, or certified Krugerrand and is payable now.  Thanks. Now we have that ugliness out of the way we can relax. Time to let you meet the team who are going to make your house renovation dreams come true ! DAVE will come round fifteen minutes late looking a little teary & design y...
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