Great Military Victories

 GREAT MILITARY VICTORIES; THE TRUMP YEARS: The Battle of Capitol Hill Jan 7 2021


Armed only with their wits and rolled up copies of Guns & Ammo, a highly organized militia of Trump supporters today stormed Capitol Hill and regained possession of the Houses for Democracy, God, and the right to enjoy McDonald's Breakfast Menu any time they damn well like. Because this is America.

In a move that President-for-the-rest-of-the-day Donny "Teflon" Trump described as brave and necessary and up there with great revolutions like the Storming of the Bastille and Hitler's great victory over the Russians in Moscow in 1942, the notably ruly mob swiftly took possession of whatever that building is properly called and installed Mr Trump as King of Fucking everything, President Forever, and the chosen one of the God of the Israelites. Or rather they would have, had not sneaky Head Page Mrs "Kenneth" Parcell refused them entry to the chamber itself because they were not wearing masks and had not booked for the tour.

Angry but beaten protestors complained about them sneaky Democrats beating them with cowardly left-wing tactics like using the facts. Only a commie would stoop so low, said one of the plaid-clad and Timberland boot wearing revolutionaries. I dressed up nice and everything, he complained.

President-for-the-rest-of-the-morning Donald Trump praised the men and asked them to disperse in an orderly fashion while drinking Coors and muttering unhappily. He suggested they return in the morning at dawn's early light and maybe bring some guns this time.

Prime Minister Morrison said that he had enormous admiration for President Trump's dedication to the democratic and that if you allowed gays to marry, you had to expect this sort of thing. God is angry, said Morrison, and you know what he's like.

Stan Grant talked in calm measured tones and complained he'd told us this would happen & why didn't we listen.

Twitter stepped in and brought peace in our time by shutting down Fieldmarshal Trump's Twitter account for half an hour or until he'd learnt to play better with others.

History will record this as one of the great democratic victories, sobbed a visibly distressed Trump from a heavily fortified gold-plated bunker deep below Wall Street.