* Results may vary : Day 9


                                                                                 

Damn you collective coma induced by the most boring election campaign ever. Countdown into single figures now. Must fight overpowering urge to lie down in the snow and sleep forever. Desperate times.Have had to resort to continuous i/v drip of uberdexamphetamines in order to meet a deadline or two. The electors are heading in their droves, or even someone else's droves, away from the major parties and into the amateurishly-tattooed arms of the minor parties. To understand why, please study this image of the deputy Prime Minister ....

                                                                             



Oh dear God, I can't go on, we're all doomed. This man will in all probability still be deputy Prime Minister in a fortnight's time.....

                                             a guide to the minor parties

                                                         
   The Mad Katter's Tea Party             
             
                                                                               

        Bob Katter's party has a few simple policies, mostly to do with shooting people. People who are too far to the right should be shot, people who are too far to the left should be shot, and people who are too far to the centre are clearly trying to hide something and should also be shot. 

         There are no gay people in Bob Katter's electorate, not even the gay Liberal candidate standing against Bob. This Liberal chap is clearly mistaken. Just because you're called Jonathan and you went to the opera once doesn't make you gay. Now stop that, you're making me uncomfortable.

          It would also be a terrific idea if everyone had a really big hat. Thank you, that is all. Don't make me shoot you.
The Derryn Hinch Derryn Hinch Party    
                                                                     
                                                                    

                       

 The Derryn Hinch Derryn Hinch Party is predicated on the general principle that there are not enough Derryn Hinchs in the Senate or anywhere else for that matter. The Derryn Hinch Derryn Hinch Party aims to address this grievous situation by putting Derryn Hinchs everywhere, starting with the Senate. There will be more Derryn Hinchs than ever before, and where there can't be more Derryn Hinchs it will be the duty of all concerned to be more like Derryn Hinch. Finally, Derryn Hinch. Derryn Hinch. Derryn Hinch. As Derryn Hinch himself says "I'm Derryn Hinch. Why aren't you ?" And remember, a vote for Derryn Hinch is a vote for Derryn Hinch. Thank you and Derryn Hinch.
The Nick Xenophon Experience

                               

    
 This is Nick Xenophon, lead singer of the Indie band The Nick Xenophon Experience. He is standing as an independent and scorns 'Policies' as a tool of the Establishment and general distraction from essential issues such as politeness. Mr Xenophon has vowed to individually thank every person who votes for him. Which is a nice thought. 


The Australian Speed Party 

Single Policy : Raise the speed limit outside schools to 450 km per hour. They have my vote.



Australia Let's Kill Something !

                                                     


Key Policy Points           * Line dancing in schools to become compulsory
                                        * Must kill something by age fourteen.
                                        * No minimum drinking age
                                        * Compulsory ute ownership
                                        * Huge increases in funding for Opera Australia
                                        * Have serious chat with policy adviser Jonathan



AUSTRALIAN SEX PARTY
                                     
                                                             
I can't be completely sure, but I think these people are banging on about sex or something. I think they want to legalise it. I'm pretty sure it already is, but let's just keep quiet and tell them later.

                                                                 









                   


IMPORTANT VOTING INSTRUCTION

                                 








             







                                                                                

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