Rear Window Sticker
So I'm driving down a busy outer-suburban arterial listening as you do to Brian Schadenfreude's Concerto No 7 for violin, fish and cocktail onion. It's a great piece, if a little flashy in parts: I prefer the earlier Concerto No 6 for violin, oboe, and four-year-old in the back seat whining "what is this shit can't we listen to Justin Bieber instead". It's music that speaks directly to the rotting core of the rotting corpse that is our depraved and decadent modern society. And what a funky beat.Anyway, I'm sitting at the lights beside a four-wheel-drive monster (and you should see the car she's driving, Boom boom. I ought to be ashamed of myself) & in the back seat her six-month-old baby gives me the finger. So young, so angry. Sign that baby up for those rebirthing courses now. They'll be all the rage again in twenty years.
Back to the fascination, or why a life's work, beliefs or just general thoughts must be expressed in sticker form. On the back window. This one of my favourites: WE'LL SEE WHAT MY FERRET HAS TO SAY ABOUT THAT... I know if it had been my ferret it would have said something like "Ou sont les neige d'antan", but then again he's a real piece of work who when I found him in the wild was sporting a black beret, smoking cheroots and murmuring "Pretentious, moi ?". You should never let your ferret learn French. I expect this gentleman's ferret might have something more cogent to say, like "Yes Virginia, safe nuclear energy is an oxymoron". But I digress. How can we tell I hear you roar from the stalls. You are so unkind. Now where was I. Ah yes. First it's "Baby on Board" . Congratulations. You have a baby. You drive it around in the car. And why not, they're far too small and slow to walk.
But I think we should have full disclosure. I want to see stickers like "Distracted 19 yr old Nuff-Nuff texting Justin to tell him that if he ever ever like ever talks to that skanky Ho Arpeggio again then it's like all over between us, and no I have no idea why I'm talking like a black person from South Philly when I'm clearly a white middle class girl from Burwood On Board" .... I mean it'd take up the whole window but at least the rest of us would have something to read while we're waiting in traffic. And that's the main thing.
In fact maybe we should all have to own up to everything. In detail. On a sticker in the back window:
Middle-aged White Guy with death wish under control for the moment but even so the midlife crisis has developed to the extent that I'm wearing neon yellow socks with the bright red shoes I've just bought & OMG I'm totally fucking tragic aren't I ? On Board
And look I've found one for me. How could they have known ?
Totally fascinating and unique guy who couldn't possibly sum himself up in a single word but if brief phrases were allowed then pretentious tosser would be in with a red-hot chance On Board
Back to the fascination, or why a life's work, beliefs or just general thoughts must be expressed in sticker form. On the back window. This one of my favourites: WE'LL SEE WHAT MY FERRET HAS TO SAY ABOUT THAT... I know if it had been my ferret it would have said something like "Ou sont les neige d'antan", but then again he's a real piece of work who when I found him in the wild was sporting a black beret, smoking cheroots and murmuring "Pretentious, moi ?". You should never let your ferret learn French. I expect this gentleman's ferret might have something more cogent to say, like "Yes Virginia, safe nuclear energy is an oxymoron". But I digress. How can we tell I hear you roar from the stalls. You are so unkind. Now where was I. Ah yes. First it's "Baby on Board" . Congratulations. You have a baby. You drive it around in the car. And why not, they're far too small and slow to walk.
But I think we should have full disclosure. I want to see stickers like "Distracted 19 yr old Nuff-Nuff texting Justin to tell him that if he ever ever like ever talks to that skanky Ho Arpeggio again then it's like all over between us, and no I have no idea why I'm talking like a black person from South Philly when I'm clearly a white middle class girl from Burwood On Board" .... I mean it'd take up the whole window but at least the rest of us would have something to read while we're waiting in traffic. And that's the main thing.
In fact maybe we should all have to own up to everything. In detail. On a sticker in the back window:
Middle-aged White Guy with death wish under control for the moment but even so the midlife crisis has developed to the extent that I'm wearing neon yellow socks with the bright red shoes I've just bought & OMG I'm totally fucking tragic aren't I ? On Board
And look I've found one for me. How could they have known ?
Totally fascinating and unique guy who couldn't possibly sum himself up in a single word but if brief phrases were allowed then pretentious tosser would be in with a red-hot chance On Board
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