ALIAS POOR YORICK

                                       Please insert table wine joke of your own choice I know what you're thinking - Day on a Plate; isn't that one of those lightweight pieces usually found near the back of the fluffy magazine in the Sunday papers ? What on earth am I, a decorated war correspondent, media mogul, billionaire bitcoin curator, and prize-winning comic novelist doing piss-farting about with this sort of pap. Isn't this beneath me ? Well that, my friend, is where you are wrong. Here at ALIAS POOR YORICK we take diet, dietary-focused philosophical schools, and auxiliary concerns very seriously as part of a new holistic approach to the sometimes brutal business of satire, comedy, and general funniness. Steve Martin once remarked that "Comedy is not pretty" & a former literary associate of mine, Bob Leamen (RIP) often advised  me "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke" Bob ...

LORD PEMBERTON SMYTHE-MACGREGOR PhD And yes, that is my great grandfather, a lifelong advocate of the benefits of curating diet and exercise in order to thoroughly interrogate major contentions of philosophical enquiry.  He attended Edinburgh University for half a decade without enrolling or paying fees. He submitted a doctor al thesis on "The Haggis; Political oppression or Cultural Embezzlement by the Fucking English Who Else, They Really Are Bastards, along with an IOU for seven years of fees, payable (next Tuesday when ma benefits re paid ) He was awarded his doctorate in 1908 and had great success when the thesis was published for the general public as "Haggis. WTF". He became rich, famous, and vigorously pursued by the Tax dept. In 1913, with the war in sight and the sky full of  looming cliches, he took a job as Ship's Philosopher on the SS Noel Coward and sailed for NZ, where, in 1954, he became my great grandfather. He was a bit dead by this time but that di...

LT COLONEL WARBURTON SMYTHE-SMYTHE, SPECIAL UNDERCOVER ENVOY APPOINTED BY UN SECURITY COUNCIL TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO THESE KIDS   The President is sitting at his desk in the Oval Office, nibbling on unicorn-liver pate and quince jam while effortlessly completing the Times Cryptic Crossword and occasionally picking at his teeth with a gold toothpick. His 23 year old Chief of Staff, Jeremy, is brushing down the familiar lumpen blue suit, too-long red tie, and orange fright wig poking out of the breast pocket. He is holding the outfit out at arms length, his disgust evident.a JEREMY  I wish you didn't have to wear this.. this clownish costume, sire, God it's awful TRUMP     It is truly fucking awful. That's why I gotta wear it. The people they see me wearing that and they think He is one of us. We can trust him. Tell you what Jeremy old bean. I turn up in Armani, this White House is fucked.  JEREMY   You are, my liege, in all things, wise & witt...