I DIDN'T MEME TO BE UNKIND: Part One

A NEW ETIQUETTE COLUMN FROM OUR EDITOR-AT-LARGE Lord MacGregor McGregor


I am not The Stig. Neither are you. And neither is the nineteen year old P-plater in a Hyundai Excel with black vinyl wrap, an exhaust pipe big enough to fit a small pig in,  and No Fear emblazoned in huge letters on the rear window. And neither is The Stig. Well, not any more. So who are we really ?

Apparently the answers are to be found on the back window of your car. And Facebook. Look no further. But first, stick families. If in fact your entire family consists of stick figures, then by all means tell us about this on the back window of your car. However, if your family consists of actual people & pets, then I really must insist that you stop misleading us on the back window of your car. Do not lie to me in traffic. It will end badly for all of us. Now. About your protestation that you have a "baby on board". Congratulations, you have a child. We here at ALIAS POOR YORICK have engaged the services of a group of distinguished scientists and medical researchers and we are confident we are close to finding what causes this. In the meantime, let me just say that by making such a declaration you are relying largely on my better nature, and I am both thrilled and flattered that you do so. However, by way of warning, what might be more effective is "Axe-Wielding Maniac withdrawing from Xanax on Board"  This would get my entire attention and guarantee you as much of the road as you feel you need. I might even throw in a cup of chamomile tea. Just saying.

Now to Facebook. Look. A picture of a dog pole-dancing is still a picture of a dog. A picture of a cat wearing goggles is still a picture of a cat. Just fucking stop it. Unless of course it's a picture of a cat dressed up like Tony Curtis dressed up as a millionaire and doing a very creditable Cary Grant impersonation in " Some Like It Hot" but it has an Italian accent and it's piloting an ocean liner. In which case it's hilarious. That's a rule.

Back to the back window. Every time I see a sticker which reads "I play chess, and I vote" it gets my attention. And it should get yours too. Woe to any politician who ignores the powerful chess lobby. That's all for now. You may go about your business, but please, be polite.