ALIAS POOR YORICK

JE SUIS UN GURU What makes me a guru ? Is it the shiny blue jacket, or the hair with its own gym membership ?  Yes. That's all you need people. I got 'em. And I got the wisdom. Of course this is not, in and of itself, enough to make one a guru. You have to believe. I first realised I had what it takes when my father took me out into backyard one night and pointed at the night sky. "Son", he said to me "If Gabriel had learnt the violin, the walls of Jericho would still be standing". I remember thinking what a load of complete bullshit that was, but it sounded good.  I thought "I could do this. I could talk crap just like that". I was on my way. Dad patted me on the shoulder and said "Always remember son, never take a spoon to a knife-fight". Brilliant. And at the same time total bollocks. Bring it on.  I was only eleven year old, but I found a couple of friends and told them : If at first you don't succeed, blame it on a poorly-...

  If you've been paying attention, yes, this is a repost. But I can claim it as new because I fixed a spelling mistake. And added this photo. Which I've only used once before. Besides it's creeping up on Christmas and the sentiments here are timeless, universal, and largely based on greed. Perfect. This year, why not give the gift that puzzles: ALIAS POOR YORICK here at http://www.funnycomedyjokes.blogspot.com/ Yes, it's ALIAS POOR YORICK the comedy blog that's so good, from next year we're calling it a comedy blogue. ALIAS POOR YORICK is guaranteed to cure dyspepsia, dyslexia, and dystopia. It will make you taller, better-looking, and 23% more capable of understanding French, Italian and in fact most of the romance languages.ALIAS POOR YORICK is guaranteed to save marriages, businesses, and some small countries from ruin. It will make most small cars run better, and make large cars feel less guilty about their carbon footprint. Your children will perf...

As CEO of Obscene Profits International I have to tell you we have not had the best of years. I will list in some detail the people and forces which have prevented us from achieving even more obscene profits for Obscene Profits this year. None of this is our fault. Please finish your dolphin fin soup and unicorn liver pate while I explain who's really to blame. Basically it's about the cost of doing business in Australia. I'm sure that abolishing slavery had some glitzy superficial political appeal, but really it's buggered things for the business sector. People who are just trying to make an honest living. And us as well. But let's move on. Now it's easy, in times of economic uncertainty, to blame to government of the day. So let's start there. PM Julia Gilliard is a witch. A bona fide follower of Satan. I know this to be true because my very good friends at the Barely-Disguised Fascist Bastard Institute of Correct Thinking have confirmed this for ...