OCCUPY CARNABY STREET
Posts
Didn't Do It, Wasn't There, You Can't Prove a Thing
Ladies & gentleman I am innocent of all charges. I'm here this afternoon to explain to you that there is no need for denials because I did none of these things & I reject all accusations even though or perhaps precisely because, there is nothing to reject. I'm here to make that quite clear. People are out to get me and I'll tell you who, but first I blame the media. And everyone else. Yes you. You know who you are. You've stirred up a lynch mob, sharpened the knives, and fanned the flames that have lit the torches in the hands of the angry faces I see in front of me armed with knives and torches and iPads of hate. Thank you I will have a glass of water. Comedy can be a dirty game, I had no idea just how dirty until now. I have been specifically targeted by CEO s of rival blogging empires. Root Macpherson of Giggle+ and Vic Rhodes of dickfartbumjokesinc, jealous of my boyish good looks, outrageous comedy success, and high-level contacts in the punctuati...
Dear Mr Zuckerberg
Dear Mr Zuckerberg, Don't worry I am not a crazy person. You must get quite a bit of that in your line of work you know letters from insane people and that, but not me. No worries there. The doctors told me I'm fine now. Nor am I after money. I have plenty. You know that little "bing" noise when you turn on your computer ? That's mine. I invented that. Sold it to my good friend Bill "Badass" Gates back in the early days of Microsoft and I've been pretty comfortable ever since. Besides my needs are fairly simple - as I always say you can only drive one Lamborghini & divorce one trophy wife at a time ! Bwah hah !! I have such a wacky sense of humour. My friends comment on it all the time. No look the thing is I like to help young guys like you just starting out in the business, what are you 28, 29 ? Just a baby, but I reckon you're onto something with this Facebook thing. It has potential but I think you just need to change a few...
The Seven Pilchards of Wisdom
Welcome to the wisdom of ferrets. The Seven Pilchards of Wisdom. I know what you're thinking: they've stolen this from T.E. Lawrence and they've got it wrong. But my friends it is you who are wrong. And while we're at it, a gentle reminder that the ferrets are our leaders and it is their wish that you pay attention to this crap. There will be a brief test. The original Lawrence of Arabia was a ferret named Nigel "Tee Hee" Lawrence, renowned for his insouciant sense of humour, impeccable dress sense, and ability to unite the Arab desert tribes into a powerful military force during the Boer War. And this may have been where he went wrong. What with that war having been pretty much confined to the southern, in fact the most southern, parts of Africa. A bloody long ride, even for the hardy Bedouin. Thus, unfortunately, Nigel "Tee Hee" Lawrence and his Arab legions hard virtually no effect whatsoever on the outcome of the Boer War. ...