ALIAS POOR YORICK

First, an apology for having taken so long between posts. We were waiting for parts from Sydney. As you no doubt know, it's traditional for ferret families to begin celebrating the festive season by issuing newsletters telling friends and family something about their year. These are called newsletters. It's been a year all right by golly oh yes for the Nigel Ferret family. I continue to work in the syntax department at Ampersand, and apart from those wildcat outbreaks of split infinitives back in August and September it's been a happy and productive year. I'm looking at a shift to anagrams next year. Insert own joke here. My lovely wife Nigel is currently working as an associate producer on "Australia's Got Ferrets" but we're both concerned about her future there after the network put it up against "MasterFerret" which is going gangbusters since introducing elimination rounds where contestants are actually shot. Still, she can always go...

I knew we were in trouble when our lead singer Rome wanted to change the band's name to "An unnecessary assassination in Prague on an Autumn afternoon" Then he wanted to call the album "The Album". It was bad enough that our bass player now wanted to be known only as @. His email address was a bastard, and if he ever finds a provider called @, I think every single email in the universe will be diverted to him. A weird Internet black hole. Anyway we'd roughed out the album on acoustic guitars and reindeer skulls in mid-winter in Upsala  over a month. Just to make sure we were all on the edge of suicidal depression. We had planned to go mix it on solar-powered laptops on a fresh-food commune in Tahiti, except the hippy princess poofs running the place couldn't guarantee a decent supply of ketamine, so that fucked that. Rome was also insisted he could only do his vocals while being urinated on by an alpaca (a female of course, it's not like he...