ALIAS POOR YORICK

BUT FIRST A JOKE :  How many Australians does it take to change a lightbulb ?  What's wrong with the lightbulb ? That's a bloody good Aussie lightbulb. I dunno, you come over here, get on the dole, steal our women, and then have the cheek to whinge about our lightbulbs. My father died in the war for that lightbulb. Well okay he didn't die in the war, but he once got so pissed on Anzac Day that he had to take three days off work. And let's not even talk about Vietnam. He went there on a Tiger Airlines tour once and got so bloody crook from a pork roll we thought he might lose a kidney. And all you bloody foreigners can do is criticize our lightbulbs !  You can all bugger off.   PROFESSOR JEFRI L'ÉSTRANGE, SENIOR LECTURER IN SOME SORT OF BULLSHIT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF WEST RINGWOOD At first glance, it might seem that anyone as screamingly flamboyant as this would be a shoo-in for this honour, but it's not as straight-forward as ...

Alias Poor Yorick CEO JEFF BROWETT WEARING A 5th Century BC SUMERIAN  APOLOGY HELMET  I'm sorry. We're all sorry. Traditionally ALIAS POOR YORICK publishes several apologies each year. Good apologies. Well-written apologies for badly written posts. Apologies for the lack of posts. We have prided ourselves on our apologies, and now I must apologise for the complete lack of apologies in the calendar year so far. I'm sorry. We're all sorry. Not even a traditional apology for things we've had nothing to do with, like the Boer War. A silly war. One of those daft bullshit conflicts which inevitably occur when you have an empire stretched so far across the globe that you've run out of pink paint and start blaming the natives for your own administrative inadequacies. Yes Britain I'm talking to you, stop trying to hide down the back of the room and pretending that Baden-Powell and the Boy Scouts weren't your fault. I mean there's that prize dufus Baden-Powell...

  Have you ever found yourself asking why Jesus had to go and get himself crucified right at the beginning of our biggest and best public holiday ?  I mean what was God thinking ? What is Easter about anyway, and how come it never gets a mention in the bible ?  Is it possible then there is no such thing as Easter, God does not exist, and all of you who think he does are really dumb?  We are indebted to the Richard Dawkins' Big Bossy Blog of Science for this masterful bit of rational thinking. Back to the factoids. It's time to get to the bottom of this whole Easter mystery. The resurrection. The rabbit. The eggs. The ferrets. In fact pretty much every mystifying detail about Easter and its celebration can be laid at the feet of Irish Catholic alcoholics and ferrets, Somewhere between crucifixion and chocolate came the Easter Ferret. It may surprise you to know that the very first "Easter Rabbit" was in fact an Easter Ferret who wandered into Jesus' emp...

                                                  Office Manager Mr S. Unra (Chartered Accountant) PONYTAIL, COCAINE RESIDUE, & BOTTOMFEEDER  Attorneys-at-Law To:  Donald J. Trump, POTUS, The White House, America Dude, In the matter of Browett v. Trump you have been found guilty of recklessly and wantonly operating an economy while being totally fucking incompetent to do so, thus causing our client to lose approximately $10563.72 from his superannuation account. You are hereforetowith required to reimburserate our client immediately. Look normally he wouldn't be that fussed but he's buying a little granny-flat and he's got a wife and daughter to support and well you know, the advertising revenue on Alias Poor Yorick isn't what it used to be, so look; Mr Trump, can I call you Don ? Can I call you Donnie ? Donnie Baby ? the thing is you're bloody lucky...

   So this is what happens when you get stoned at MIP-TV with a dodgy Australian producer called Root MacPherson. We were playing Two-up behind the Lionsgate pavilion. It hurts to say this, but I was losing. I'm pretty sure they were changing the rules every time we smoked another joint, but I may be confusing contiguity with causation here. And forgetting that I was playing a game of chance with people from a country where they win philosophical arguments by saying Mate that won't pass the pub test. For those of you unfortunate enough to live in parts of the world where "pub" is not in common usage, a pub is a place where people gather possibly too often and drink possibly too much alcohol. Hey. No judgement here, but in my experience The Pub is not in fact a place of Higher Learning where things are discussed in a calm and logical fashion in order to reach conclusions which are both sound and agreeable. Australians do not in general agree with me on this. And someti...

  Good morning, And I mean that. I'm Peter Dutton, the Leader of the Opposition, which means you can trust me when I say Good Morning. Not like that shifty Anthony Allebreezy or whatever his name is, you know, that chap who'd have you believe he's the Prime Minister. Well what I'd like to know is why he doeasn't just get on with the business of being Prime Minister instead of buying clifftop mansions for $4.3 million and flying all over the place First Class and being charming and funny on Spicks and Specks that well-known hiding place for communists and terrorist-sympathisers. That Adam Hill I don't trust him at all, he's only got one leg you know. And he keeps growing a beard which is how you can tell he's a terrorist at heart because well we all know terrorists have beards so they can hide weapons of mass destruction strapped to their necks instead of wearing a shirt and tie like normal people like me. Bloody foreigners. They come from overseas you kn...