ALIAS POOR YORICK

                                                                                  Damn you collective coma induced by the most boring election campaign ever. Countdown into single figures now. Must fight overpowering urge to lie down in the snow and sleep forever. Desperate times.Have had to resort to continuous i/v drip of uberdexamphetamines in order to meet a deadline or two. The electors are heading in their droves, or even someone else's droves, away from the major parties and into the amateurishly-tattooed arms of the minor parties. To understand why, please study this image of the deputy Prime Minister ....                                               ...

PM TURNBULL REACTS TO LATEST POLLING FIGURES  This Special Edition of * Results may vary is bought to you by the Narcolepsy Awareness Foundation. Have you been having trouble staying awake during this interminable election campaign ? I know we have. It feels like the whole office has been in some sort of coma/nightmare where absolutely nothing happens for days on end and then we start getting pictures of Turnbull and Shorten kissing dogs and Christopher Pyne starts singing "Jobs and Growth, Jobs and Growth" to a tune from Oklahoma and then Bill Shorten makes a speech and we all go back to sleep.. Or is that just me ? Should I stop having Beaujolais and Camembert for breakfast?  God help us it's been a drizzle. I haven't been this bored since I got lumbered with Tony Abbott late one night in the Press Club on his third bottle of St Henri and crapping on about how he'd shaved four minutes off the bike-riding leg of the Triathlon by wearing special Lycra un...