ALIAS POOR YORICK

CLIVE PALMER AT REGULAR STAFF BRIEFING First, you may be experiencing a tingling feeling, a feeling of warmth and of general well-being. Do not be alarmed. This is because you are being addressed by me, Viscompte d' Coal-Bearing Deposits, Clive Palmer. Your feelings are perfectly natural. I am fabulous in all respects & damn near fatally attractive to all mammals. I am also a genius, which really goes without saying, but why take a chance?  I am here to explain everything.I did not enter politics for silly or trivial reasons. I like the seats. No really, they're great. Especially on the cross benches. You can really stretch out. But on to more pressing matters. Now, as you know I am extremely rich. Which makes me at least one hundred times smarter than the rest of you. I have two billion dollars, you have a mortgage. So shut up and listen: Abbott is a pompous idiot who pads his budgie smugglers with real budgies. Hockey thinks he's tough, but he couldn...

Wed 2nd July Got to Canberra. Exciting being a senator. Shouldn't have bought the kids along for the ride. Two of them threw up as we drove through Goulburn. Can't say I blame them, but. Met one of the other new senators, Jeff from the Ice Cream Headache party, you know, the blogging bitcoin billionaire. He told me if I really want to impress Tony Abbott when I meet him I should lick him on the face. He reckoned this is sort of like a secret language among politicians and it'd show him I know what's what. He was right. I tried it and Tony looked pretty surprised about how much I was in the know already. Thurs 3rd July Had a breakfast meeting with my new mate Clive Palmer. I licked him on the face and he didn't seem impressed at all. I'm starting to wonder just how much he really knows about politics. I asked him if I could drive his Rolls and he said no. Starting to wonder just how much of a mate he really is. Fri 4th July Had a bottle of Wild Turk...

BUZZWHIZQUIZ.COM in association with ALIAS POOR YORICK and Facebook presents "WHICH DEADLY SIN IS REALLY YOU?"  If you're sick of answering tragically transparent questions in order to find out which 60's folk band you should have been in or which one of Hitler's evil henchmen is really you (I got Goering. Embarrassing) then you may be ready to find out about your defining character defect. There are Seven Deadly Sins. Which one is you?  Press Play to Start                                            PLAY 1. Seven seems like an arbitrary number for Deadly Sins. Perhaps there should be one more. What do you think should be the Eighth Deadly Sin ? (a) Knowing the lyrics to the Pina Colada song (b) Being ambivalent about the use of the Oxford comma (c) Failing to travel at the correct speed when merging onto a Freeway (d) Actually seven seems like t...

AUSTRALIA REVEALS SECRET OF WIMBLEDON SUCCESS