ALIAS POOR YORICK

Yeah I know it's Monday Tuesday.That's how casual Casual Friday can be. At ALIAS POOR YORICK we believe that if a thing's worth doing, it's worth dodging a deadline for at least a couple of days. On top of that everyone here is wearing teeshirts with wacky things written on them ! In the office ! How wild and out there are we ?? There's a concert coming up in Melbourne: Andre Rieu and The Seekers. This is quite possibly the whitest music you are ever going to hear. Or you could just stay home and stick sharpened bamboo skewers under your fingernails. One of these activities is categorized by Amnesty International as torture. And on top of that you have to deal with Ticketek. Okay, enough already with the blinding incisive satire.  And yes Virginia, the term 'motor-sport' is an oxymoron. Back to the ferrets: Last week, an allegedly domesticated ferret called "Michael" was found at Edinburgh station, allegedly lost, dazed and confused. A lik...

You gotta help me doctor I can't even tell when exactly it happened but one minute I'm young and cool okay well maybe not young and cool okay I'm over fifty and I'm still putting too much gel in my hair and then all of a sudden I call someone a punk and I'm not talking about Sid Vicious. No. It's punk as in young punk. As in you goddam no-good young punks. Just like that my dialogue's straight out of a 1957 black and white b-grade movie.Which wouldn't be so bad, except I'm  good with it. Yep. Feels right. Oh shit. You gotta help me. I'm overawed by technology. It's tragic. I'm standing in front of automatic doors going "I am Lord Firestorm Wolftiger, Master of the Eastern Quadrants & I command you to open" & I've got kids going 'you know mate that self-satirical post-modernist ironic shit isn't really cutting it". I hate six yr olds. But listen I've still got it going on man. I'm off to the runni...

What to drink while reading a book of food reviews? And what to eat while reading a book of wine reviews? Very Melbourne kind of dilemmas. Especially during a festival of plays about people who write food and wine reviews to save the children in Cambodia. You'd have to go with an unpretentious unwooded semillion, wouldn't you ? Or even a pretentious one. Accompanied by some  retin-free llama-cheese pizzas cooked in a wood fired oven blessed by Tibetan refugee monks. I mean what else. It's obvious.  And people of Melbourne I don't know how to break this to you but there is a two week gap in the year where there are NO FESTIVALS PLANNED. WTF people! How can you have let this happen ? I love festivals. I even accidentally signed up for a gold pass to a week-long knitting festival. Make no mistake, I love knitting. Okay. Well. I totally approve of knitting. Otherwise the world would be littered with balls of coloured wool and that'd be wrong. So, hey. Let's knit. ...