WE ARE AMUSED
From the desk of HRH Lord Sir Prince Philip, Earl of Grey, Duke of Course Dear Jillaroos, Jackaroos, Jigaboos, and Piccaninnies of Australia, Thank you so very much for this unexpected honour. You shouldn't have. No really, you shouldn't. But I've always wanted one and it fits me and everything. Also, the colour suits me well. You beauts. You cobbers. Is that right ? Did I get that right ? I really should have consulted a young person like my son Charles, he knows your wonderful country better than I do. He spent some time there in a school in a tree hut or something. They told us it would be character-building. Made him drink his own urine. Or was that Bear Grylls - I always get those two confused. Now I won't say this wasn't something of a surprise, and I'm a bit sketchy on the details of why exactly I am being honoured in this way, but I'm told it has something to do with my efforts to protect your country during the Franco-Prussian War ...