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Hello. As you were. Pay attention. Senator Lord Major-General Christopher "Sane-as-the-next-member-of-the-House-of-Lords" Monckton here. Please arise. I know I should make you stay kneeling there for the duration but I have rather a stiff neck and I spend most of my time looking down on people anyway. Where was I ? That's right. As I was saying, extensive scientific research has proved that I am right about pretty much everything, and you are a snivelling little irrelevance. As you will know if you have half a brain and I know that excludes most of you but never mind that listen up. Where was I ? Ah yes. At Oxford being brilliant but that was a long time ago and on reflection it may have been Cambridge. Shut up. I am a unique and brilliant man and am not to be bothered with trivial details. I'm here in Australia to take up my hereditary seat in the Upper House of your fine country. Australia, isn't it ? That's what Gina told me. By right granted to me in the...