* Results may vary: Day 57


Welcome to the 2016  Election Countdown.

 We live in exciting times. Perhaps as an antidote PM Malcolm Turnbull has launched us into a long and lumbering election campaign which will see us suffering political promising and posturing until July 2. I feel tired already. But we are made of stern stuff here at Alias Poor Yorick and we'll be with you everyday all the way to take the piss as the occasion arises. And if the occasion doesn't arise I can assure you we will poke it with a stick until it does. Every single day. We promise:

If Sophie Mirabella threatens to kill and roast your children if she fails to get preselection, we'll be there.

If Christopher Pyne puts on a Lone Ranger outfit and jumps up and down yelling "We're winning, we're winning. Hi Yo silver and away" before leaping onto Malcolm Turnbull's back and galloping away,we'll be there.

If Bill Shorten makes a speech outlining the essential policy differences between Labour & the LNP, we'll be there. For the entire fifteen seconds.

 If Bill Shorten drops his pants in order to prove that his state-educated private parts are not protected by underwear made from endangered species, we'll be there. If we can't rustle up a stringer from Channel Nine.

If Scott Morrison suggests that parents should help their children get into home ownership by enrolling them in pole-dancing classes, we'll be there.

If 60 Minutes attempts to reunite Barnaby Joyce with his legal mother Satan, we'll be there.

The point is people we will be there. Everyday of this long and grueling campaign. And that's a promise. A core promise. Nay, a hardcore promise. We will, without fail, frock up and rock up each and every day with funny comedy jokes, parody, satire and maybe even wit.

Except tomorrow. It's the Annual Comedy Bitcoin Billionaires' Punchline Hunt. Oh come on it's not as cruel as it sounds. Oh sure the punchlines have been bred in captivity and may lost their natural fear of man, but we're all fairly pissed by morning tea and we're on horseback. The little buggers are in with a fighting chance. I can't miss it really, they'll all be there -  Tarquin Dogbadger from "Farts in the Lift", Terry Kingsbladder from 'Tripe', Knackers from "Do My Knees look Big in This", me of course, and Jobson Growth from "Hansard"

The day after, we'll be back. Promise. Every day.

Unless Game of Thrones is on.








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