* Results may vary. Day 51. Day 50. Day 49

                                                                                   
GREENS & LIBERALS FORM UNEASY ALLIANCE ON CLIMATE CHANGE
* If this is Wednesday I must be in a pub in Northern Queensland having a beer with Barnaby Joyce and a group of hand-picked authentic working class types pissed enough to believe that the coalition has their best interests at heart. More beer may be required.

* If this is Thursday and I have a disturbing feeling it is, I must be in another pub in northern Queensland with Barnaby Joyce who is our Deputy Minister except on Wednesdays and Thursdays when he is an International Freelance Beer Inspector. Yes no this one's all right, he told the barman, and I'll be ready to check the next one in just a second. I can only stay for another six or seven, I have to go and kill some more carp. Cunning bastards the carp they wait till your back's turn then breed like crazy


                 
* Meanwhile in Melbourne PM Turnbull visited the Mornington Peninsula Brewery which apparently is in Mornington. On the Mornington Peninsula. Thank you Sydney Morning Herald for that detail. He expressed surprise that beer actually had to be made or what was it you quaintly called it "brewed" he'd always thought it was dug out of the ground by men who stopped frequently to mop their brow and look off into the distance dreamily picturing cans of VB.

* Bill Shorten checked the weather forecast in Melbourne before wisely deciding to stay in Queensland where he celebrated his birthday by taking a welcome break from being photographed in pubs staring awkwardly at his glass of beer.

* Is it just me or does Finance Minister Mathias Cormann sound exactly I mean exactly like Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you were thinking of crowdfunding a joke (see previous blog) this would be a good place to start  PLEASE INSERT YOUR DONATED JOKE HERE. THANK YOU.

* Meanwhile, more fear and loitering on the campaign trail. PM Turnbull was startled by single mother Melinda from Moorabin in Melbourne (sounds made up doesn't it) who bailed him up as he was leaving a plausible excuse manufacturing company saying "It's all very well for you with your two houses in Sydney and your unicorn liver pate sandwiches but I'm a single mother and I want to know how the hell I'm going to explain to my two boys how come Jon Snow was killed in the last series of Game of Thrones and now he's alive and it's freaking them right out. Malcolm assured her that he felt her pain, that he could feel what was in her heart, and that this is the sort of sloppy writing that flourishes under a Labor government and when his government was re-elected Game Of Thrones would be much better. 

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