* Results may vary. Day 55




Welcome back to the 2016 Election Countdown

* So today we hit the campaign trail. And it hit back with tears and biscuits. What?  Yes. It's always tears and biscuits, said the slightly moist Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull after addressing a group of Girl Guides in Bankstown about the financial benefits of slavery, especially for the unemployable.
They just looked at me blankly, complained a perplexed and clearly emotionally exhausted Prime Minister. I suggested this may be because he was talking complete bollocks and he called me a pixie-farting snapdragon before bursting into great heaving sobs and dashing off in a gold carriage drawn by eight white horses.

* Treasurer Scott Morrison claimed that he was not yet a complete bastard, but hoped to become a complete bastard before Parliament first sits after the election. He went on to explain that the Budget needed to be thought of as a cricket test match rather than one of those one day things and that we could all better understand it if we donned cricket whites and rubbed red cricket balls in a thoughtful fashion on our collective groin area.

* Opposition Leader Bill Shorten smiled enigmatically and said that he had a secret plan to win the election but he couldn't tell us what it was because then it wouldn't be a secret.

* Foreign Minister Julie Bishop refused to confirm or deny her cunning to plan to help the Coalition win at the polls  by staying very quiet and possibly even holding her breath for extended periods. She denied claims that she was binge-watching the latest series of Game of Thrones looking for  election strategy tips.

* That nice young man from the Greens, you know the one with the great hair, Senator Ludlam said some intelligent, compassionate, and measured things so really he's no bloody use to me at all.

* Here's another picture of Barnaby Joyce explaining about the carp
                                                                                 

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