IS YOUR NEIGHBOUR AN ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE ?



Do mermaids really use luggage ?  Or for that matter, do mermaids need bathing caps ? Is it only 1950s' mermaids who wear them ?

As you know, we here at ALIAS POOR YORICK insist on asking the difficult questions. Not always the big important ones, but the ones we ask are extremely interesting, like "Which pre-20th Century psychotic mass-killer are you ?"  I'm Vlad the Impaler. Go figure.

But more importantly, do aliens live among us ? Surveys show that possibly as many as 17% of  Americans believe that aliens are here & living unnoticed among us. Why are they here ? Is it because Netflix will not allow them to purchase "House of Cards" on their home planet ? Do they wish to make contact with our old friends the ferrets in order to form some sort of superpower axis of awesomeness ?  Do they wish to learn all they can about our ways, then enslave us, and use us in a thousand unspeakable ways? Is it some sort of adventure holiday for them ?  Clearly no-one really knows at this stage, but it's important we know who's who and what's what in our own neighbourhood.  How can you tell if your neighbour is not of this earth ?  

TEN SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBOUR MAY BE AN ALIEN
1. They have children called Franchise, Dietary Supplement, and Zeroflush

2. They think Tony Abbott is doing a "pretty neat job"

3. They say things like "pretty neat" a lot

4.  They drive a Skoda Superb

5.  They voted for Ozzy Osbourne in the last election

6.  They believe there is a correct wine to drink with M&Ms

7.  They ask a lot of questions about ferrets

8.  They completely fail to understand the significance of the Anzac Day clash between Essendon and Collingwood

9.  While reluctant to answer questions about religion, if pressed they will say they believe the majority of people on earth go to their computers each night and worship pictures of cats

10. They are able, with alarming ease, to reconcile Chaos Theory with String Theory meshed against a mathematical background accepting the Multiverse as a likelihood and an impossibility concurrently & use the resulting data to legally download season 3 of "Veep". Aliens don't do Bit Torrent.

PS: if your neighbour is a small hexagonal piece of metal bent at a right angle, he is not an alien, he is an Allen key. If you frequently experience difficulty distinguishing between an alien and an Allen key please seek help. Really.

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