new instructions










HOW TO ENJOY YOUR NEW COMEDY BLOG








 Now available in 3D through all participating Internet providers. Not this one apparently.

Welcome to ALIAS POOR YORICK, the funniest comedy blog since the previous funniest comedy blog.

We have had complaints. This is not easy to understand. Especially the ones in Urdu. If are you not finding ALIAS POOR YORICK just as funny as a circular container of middle-sized primates, there may be a failure to comply with  correct comedy protocols Perhaps the difficulty is being with the originating language by which as a course of matter we mean your own speech or language of parental origination. Check your toolbar for mistakes. If there is one, do not panic. Simply change it to the right one. If this is not possible, or you do not understand this instruction, press the hash key, then the ampersand key, and go away and make a cup of tea.

Good. We hope you feel better. Nothing's happened, but a good cup of tea makes everyone feel better.

Now. At this point in time or at a point in time fairly contiguous to the particular point in time to which we were originally referring it may be necessary to follow some simple numbered instructions. We hope this will not upset you. Remember we have your best interests at heart, and your funnybone in our hands. Break a leg.

1. Please email us your home telephone number and the date and starting-time of your favourite television show. We will go to extraordinary lengths to not ring just near the end of the first segment when the important plot establishment details are unfolding. But you know as we say, ships happen. We apologise in advance for everything, even if there is nothing to apologise for which will be our intense aim.

2. This comedy helpline is not situated in India. We don't know where you got this idea but it is on the false side of true. We are not in India. We never have been. My cousins Kumar and Raneesh have both been to India and say it is a wonderful country full of bustling and spiritual people and inedible cows. But we are not now there. And besides that is not important.

3. Please sit squarely on a chair or other suitable device with both feet planted firmly on the ground or at least nearby

4. Make yourself perfect comfortably

5. Energise the circuit at the wall switch allowing the computer to achieve the 'on' or 'operating' position

6. If you are already reading this it is safe to assume that you can ignore instruction no. 5 and go directly to 7

7. Remove the protective shield surrounding the blog and begin reading. IMPORTANT NOTICE: if the protective shield is still in place, or has not been correctly removed, many of the jokes may be damaged and we cannot be held responsible for their condition. You careless bastard. After all the work we put into it. I could weep. Anyway.

8. At this stage you may experience slight flushing and an elevated heart-rate. This is perfectly normal. If you are experiencing dizziness, stop spinning round in your chair and get back to reading the blog.

9. Do NOT move your lips while you are reading this blog. At least not in front of anyone.

10. Well look I'll leave you to it. If there are any further questions, please send them in. We love questions.

And cheese. And Jaguar XK140's. And money. Send in all that sort of stuff.

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