LATE BRAKING NEWS




 * Chaos on the set of the second series of MasterBastard tonight causes production shutdown. Reigning champion Tony "Lying Eyes"Abbott knighted two of the camera operators and gave a life peerage to the set designer. New contestant Attorney General George Brandis then called the standby props person a "stinky bum fart weasel" because that's what free speech is all about. Several of the other contestants burst out laughing and were unable to continue. Indignant Floor Manager Bronwyn "Be Bob A Lu Bop" Bishop immediately threw them out of  the studio, saying that this was totally unacceptable behaviour: "We've got people here doing their very best to be complete bastards and all you lot can do is laugh". Further outbursts of infectious laughter turned into disorder. Bishop then evicted the entire camera crew, the boom operator, a make-up person, several talent agents, and a guy called Terry who no-one can figure out what he does but it turns out he's the director. Production has been halted for approximately six weeks. Lachlan Murdoch has been hired to helm the rest of the series. Lachlan has not laughed since 1993 so we should be right there.

* Andrew Bolt is still a dickhead

* And finally in Late Braking News, Bitcoin billionaire and playboy blogger Jeff  Browett was today found guilty in the Melbourne Magistrates Court of excessive punning. He had been warned several times by authorities about exceeding safe environmental levels of punning. Charges were laid after he published a cartoon picturing a Nazi soldier threatening an anorexic woman with a chocolate cake. The caption read "Ve have ways of making you torte". Mr Browett apologised, saying he was in the grip of a terrible obsession and would seek help. He was sentenced to watch 40 hours of "Two & a Half Men". His lawyers have appealed against the severity of the sentence.



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