FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS




Top Ten Really Really First World Problems


1.  You run out of Greek feta for your spinach and feta omelette and have to use Bulgarian feta instead

2. You pay $10,000 more than you should for a new Fiat 500

3. You and your partner have a really intense argument about whether the correct wine to have with Blue Castillo is a zinfandel or a pinot-Gris. This argument becomes so intense one of you writes an email to zany Age wine writer Mark Shields only to discover he has been dead for fifteen years. This leads inexplicably to fresh arguments and bitter recriminations over an affair one of you had with a sommelier back in the late-nineties. And then things get completely out of control when you argue about whether you can even have wine, let alone cheese, on your newly-adopted paleo diet.  In the bitterly contested divorce settlement your partner gets custody of the fake Brett Whitely.

4. Your friends laugh at the way you don't seem totally comfortable talking about the "Rach Three" when referring to Rachmaninoff's Third Piano Concerto. Or is it his Third Symphony ?  You are unsure how you should practise sounding more relaxed.

5. Your cocaine dealer won't accept your FB friend request

6. You run out of fennel pollen while preparing a late supper and you've forgotten to download that app from Epicure that directs you to the nearest 24hr gourmet food market

7. Your local AA meeting doesn't have an espresso machine

8. Your personal tattoo artist has retired to live in the south of France, leaving you with an incomplete Celtic half-sleeve tattoo

9. You have finally sourced a supplier who can get their hands on a rare Romanian sheep's milk Routillard for around $400 a kilo, when your beloved announces that both of you are becoming vegans and there is no longer any place for cheese in your life.

10. You fail to get an email from BMW informing you that the tyre pressure has dropped in the front passengers' side tyre. This shakes your faith in the whole technical circle of info/life thing and you start lying awake at night worrying about what to do if the iPhone 6 isn't really any better than the iPhone 5.

11. Your constant vacillation between paleo and vegan diets has severely crippled your ability to count.

12. You have twenty-seven more really really important problems. They all relate to cheese.

13. A pushy fact-checker informs you there is no such cheese as a Routillard. Is there no end to this pain !?

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