MasterFerret

Channel Ten has it's fingers crossed for a ratings frenzy with the much-hyped MasterFerret. And I'll have to tell you, I've had my doubts. This particular murky corner of the reality-tv cosmos has become overpopulated of late with, well, to call it mixed success would be kind.....

 It kind of hit the ground in a flying coma with Junior Australian Celebrity Apprentice MasterChef, which saw some dazed waif called Bliss Peartree d'Artagnan wandering round with a bucket of ricotta, a pack of raw potato chips, and a terrified expression muttering "Help me oh help me Superstar Goddess Aphrodite, I'm paralyzed by existentialist angst & spiritual confusion. Oh God oh God Oh Goddess" One of the judges explained all she really had to do was deep-fry the chips in low fat oil, but to no avail. I had no idea who this embryonic superstar was until my friend explained she was a featured extra in a beach scene in Home & Away. And had a speaking part in a Just Jeans commercial. And  a sex tape on Youtube.  Catch a rising star, people !!!!!!!

So can ferrets pull Ch Ten out of its ratings funk ? I say yes !!!!!! 

For a start this show's got buzz: Social media went mad when it was found a weasel and two stoats were impersonating Ferrets in the barbershop quartet qualifying round of the show which is touted as having the largest amount of prize-money ever for a ferret-based reality show.

But in the end it's about the ferrets: here's my top ten reasons why MasterFerret will be a runaway success for Ten

1. Ferrets are cute, highly-socialised, and naturally funny. Guaranteed high "Q" factors all round.

2. Ferrets have the ability to make debating about moral philosophy both competitive and entertaining

3. Ferrets have show biz in their blood. The first feature film in Australia was actually written & produced by ferrets. A religious pageant of sorts, the hand-coloured film "The Nine Commandments" did not enjoy the exposure or success it deserved. Ferrets have always blamed human jealously for this tragic critical neglect.

4. Ferrets have the wit and ability to deal with the remarkable range of 'challenges' they'll face on this show, ranging from water polo through slam impromptu haiku writing to live gene-splicing. If anyone can, a ferret can !

5. And this bears repeating. Ferrets are cute.

6. Have you seen the crap on Seven and Nine that they're up against ?

7. They can sing. They can dance. They can boil an egg perfectly without a timer !

8. Ferrets are all close personal friends with Mick Gatto. I'm just saying.

9. Mick Gatto says the ferrets don't have to worry about nine.

10. Or ten. Mick and his partner are very very confident about the success of this show. I'm just saying

11. Ferrets "get" why every amplifier should have at least one dial that goes all the way to '11'. Ferrets love Motorhead & worship Lemmy as a god. Not the God you understand. But a god all the same.

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