CONSPIRACY THERAPY

I once said to you "You want the truth ? You can't handle the truth".Or was that Jack Nicholson ? Or just someone who looked like him ? It's all a bit confusing, isn't it ? Well relax, because now all can be told . "You want the truth ? You can't understand the truth ! Or something like that. Let me explain ..

It's been a difficult couple of weeks and I apologise for not having got back to you sooner but the fact is I discovered the pink streaks in my hair did NOT MATCH the pink of my ugg boots. Imagine my total embarrassment, mortification and shame, as we say here on the brutal streets of Boronia. I have NOT BEEN ABLE TO SET FOOT OUT OF THE HOUSE IN A MONTH. No trips down to the Internette Laundrette to blog. Nothing. I am never trusting Krystyne down at "Rooted" with my hair ever ever again. Like never. So anyway I've got all these like really important truths to tell you. This'll explain everything. Hang on, I'll get my notes. I'll be right back.

Okay. Breaking news: Julian Assange is not Julian Assange. Well he is. Just not all the time. For the past six months the part of  Julian Assange has been played by Cate Blanchett. We have no idea as yet why this is but I'm on it. You can't hide the truth from me ! Not as long as there's Wikipedia ! Yeah man. Take that.

 Okay, like what else. Yeah cool, how cool's this .We know who "The Man" actually is ! You know, THE MAN. The one we're always waiting for. The one we've been working for. The one who's been fucking us round all these years. Yeah. Him. That bastard. Turns out The Man is a guy called Brian who lives in Ferntree Gully and he's had enough. Reckons he's totally knackered from doing admin on our super contributions & he's had a gutful. Bought a Winnebago & he's off round Australia !

IMPORTANT CONSPIRACY INTERRUPTION IMPORTANT CONSPIRACY INTERRUPTION

My fellow Australians, if you are reading this right now and there's hardly any jokes then I HAVE BEEN MURDERED. YES, SILENCED BY THE POWERS THAT BE. Carry on without me. Never surrender !

IMPORTANT NOTE TO STAFF AND FAMILY:  Please make sure I am actually murdered before posting this notice. Please check I'm not just having a slow day or that my idiot son Rheingold has pinched the computer with Jokecheck. We can't be too careful. We don't want to become a laughingstock

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