TOTAL NOTIFICATION

YOU HAVE (21) NOTIFICATIONS  which your real Facebook Friends, you know, The Facebook Crew, have sorted and explained for you. We rock so you can roll.



TERRY YOURFRIEND ... Liked your post, then Unliked your post, then Liked it again, then decided that neither was an acceptable response to the death of your parakeet & has gone down the pub for a cleansing ale.

JEREMY YOURFRIEND .. Has accepted your friend request even though he has never heard of you and doesn't much like your profile picture or any of the stuff you like, it's just he was up to 499 friends and felt the need to go to a round number

ALYSSIA YOURFRIEND ... Has bought a cat

ALYSSIA YOURFRIEND .. Has posted 167 pictures of her cat Cleopatra

RUPERT YOURFRIEND .. posted a link to some site you've never heard of, along with a picture which is completely incomprehensible and was probably shot on some wank setting on Instagram. The whole is clearly designed to make you feel intellectually, socially, and spiritually inferior. What a tool.

BILLY-BOB YOURFRIEND ... is almost certainly pissed as a frog and has posted a picture of his bum, or possibly his son, it's a bit hard to tell

ALYSSIA YOURFRIEND ... wants to know why you don't like any of the pictures of her cat Cleopatra

LEANNE YOURFRIEND... is playing MidWest Murder Mayhem. So far she has killed 38 adults, fifteen children, a cow, and four dogs. Nice friends you have.

ALYSSIA YOURFRIEND .... says if you don't Like at least one of the pictures of her cat Cleopatra she will Unfriend you

JULIAN ASSANGE ... Has sent you a Friend request & a message asking if he can crash at your place for a couple of nights

ALYSSIA YOURFRIEND < The Facebook Crew> We've checked out the pictures for you : what is that cat ? It looks like a rat with a toupee. Fuck it's ugly.

BARRY YOURFRIEND ... Updated his status. He's CEO of a small but trendy multi-media company, killer new girlfriend, and he's just bought an Alfa Spyder. If you want we could send some people round to slap him round a bit. Just saying.

MICK "MICKY" YOURFRIEND ... farted, scratched his knee for about twenty seconds, then went outside or a smoke. He didn't post this, we just thought it might make you feel a bit better knowing some of your friends are losers

JULIAN YOURFRIEND ... says he's really serious about staying at your place. On the couch would be fine. It's a bit urgent. No, really

SUSIE YOURFRIEND ... Is at the hairdressers

SUSIE YOURFRIEND ... might go for a coffee afterwards

SUSIE YOURFRIEND ... or maybe a gin & persimmon frappe at Bar Open

SOCRATES YOURFRIEND ... WTF. No, seriously. For this we started western civilisation ? You're fucking kidding me.

SUSIE YOURFRIEND ... likes SOCRATES' post.

SUSIE YOURFRIEND ... invited SOCRATES to an event at Bar Open

SOCRATES YOURFRIEND ... will be attending event at Bar Open. Loves a gin & persimmon frappe. Likes SUSIE YOURFRIEND'S new hairstyle.














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