URBANE GUERRILLA WARFARE

Bring me my camouflage pants ! Bring me my Ed Hardy T-shirt with the flaming sword and "No Fear" on it. Bring me my thongs of total terror. War's about to hit the streets and whether it comes to the mean streets of Glen Waverly or Mt Waverly or even Waverly Gardens, I need to be there looking right and looking real. War is hell and wardrobe is of the utmost importance.

WAR. What is it good for ? Looking good in black for a start off. And let's face it, war makes you look a damn sight less stupid for wearing camouflage pants. People. What exactly were we attempting to blend in with ? Apart from all those other people wearing camouflage gear. We need to leave something for the people-in-the-army ( or soldiers if you want to get picky about it) to wear. So they know they're in the army. And we're not. Except when it come time to fight the Battle of Glenhuntly. Be there or be shockingly unhip. You have been warned.

I read somewhere that Iggy Pop has no socks, no interest in socks, and no concept of which need is filled by socks. Also shirts - same. I'd imagine that telling Mr Pop that such-and-such a shirt is unfortunately unavailable with a french cuff would produce a radiantly blank look. And quite right too. I can't see someone rushing up and going "I'm sorry but Iggy won't sing I Wanna Be You Dog until you've provided him with a very bright yellow pair of midlife crisis socks". Mr Pop clearly has need for socks or mid-life crises. Well done that raddled rock star I say.

Back to war and wardrobe. Can personal appearance bring about peace ? I believe so. I've never shared this before, but in my own quiet way I have altered the course of history. Between 1972 and 1975 I grew my hair very very long. As  result, in 1975, the war in Vietnam was finally over. Coincidence ? I don't think so.

And, by the way, it deserves to be more widely known that no ferrets were involved in the Vietnam conflict, either officially or in any sort of clandestine fashion. Ferrets won't have anything to do with wars that aren't proper wars. It's the Ferret way.

Besides, ferrets know they look best in proper uniforms. As do we all. Look right, fight right, win the day. Now take the second World War : the Germans looked by far the best. Snappy uniforms, great looking planes, and of course .... OH SHIT.. okay people we have a collapsing metaphor. Don't panic, you all know what to do, that's what all the drills were for. We all knew sooner or later one of these metaphors would collapse under its own weight. Just assemble in the quadrangle and make your way in a quiet and orderly fashion out of the paragraph ..................

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