DEEP, DEEP, DEEP THOUGHTS




After many years of intense thinking , I was struck the other afternoon at about four-thirty-five by the answers to pretty much everything. Not quite total truth, but at least a working model thereof. A compendium of complete wisdom, if you will. Or even if you won't. And I think it's extremely unkind of my friends to suggest that this moment of clarity came after I'd quaffed 14 double-shot lattes in my new position as Quality Assurance Director down at Mondo Espresso. This is harsh.

Now, as we all know, Direct and Inverse Scattering for Beltrami Fields ( or "Far Field Theory") depicts stability after chaos upon reaching the theoretical point of infinity. What I now know is that is also guarantees the universal truth of the following:

(a) Never take a spoon to a knife fight

(b) It's really hard to look tough when you're driving a Hyundai Excel

(c) Any sentence which begins with "Simply" is a damn lie, and any sentence containing "Simply" is deeply suspect

      (i) ..SIMPLY sprinkle fennel pollen over the lightly diced pickled unicorn forelock, then reverse the polarity of the truffle atoms using any basic kitchen retrodequadrilator and serve over a bed of saffron-steamed rice & chilled gold flakes

      (ii) ... somewhere in a cave in the desert near the Dead Sea is a scroll with the heading "How to Build a Pyramid"  ... SIMPLY enslave a neighbouring nation (Israel's nice at this time of year), grab a bunch of rocks & shit, then start with a really big square and work your way up to a point. Thank you for shopping at Ikea for Pharaohs. Here's your allen key.

The thing about 'simply' is that most of the time it simply doesn't belong. In a sentence where you would be able to justify its use it would at the same time be redundant. 'The cat sat on the mat'' is a simple sentence which at its metaphysical core suggests quite strongly that the cat is 'simply' sitting on the mat, yet at the same time the addition of 'simply' would confuse the issue and suggest to the reader that the cat might possibly have been doing something else at the time, but isn't. In short, 'simply' simply isn't needed. I'm glad now that we've got through this and can get on with our lives. I'd like to thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers which have sustained us through this difficult time.

 So. Yep ... ah, that's about it. Oh ...

(d)  I think it was Nelson Mandela, or perhaps Ernie Sigley, who said "If you can't stand the heat, turn down the thermostat"


And finally, for a guaranteed out-of-body experience, why not try the new octuple-shot macchiato down at Mondo Espresso .......................   







.

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